February 2008 Archives

I hate to burst your bubble, but this is not going to be a dirty entry!! I was telling my co-worker about the vacation my family is planning to take in November to celebrate my parents' 30th wedding anniversary. Anyway, we're going on a Disney Cruise. Sounds fun, no? Ironically, I was telling my co-worker how, the last time I went on a cruise, I was very irritated for most of the trip because there were kids EVERYWHERE and they were just loud, wild, and crazy... you know, the same way we ALL were when we were kids. The night I actually called the front desk to complain about the kids in the room next to us was the night my entire world fell apart... I was officially a grown up! Oh my God.

So I'm a little worried. Annoyed by kids and going on a Disney Cruise? Sounds troublesome! I might actually have to spank kids that aren't in my troop!! Then again, since all nine of my little rugrats will be coming along, I am positive it's going to be quite a fun and exciting vacation. Auntie Gemmerzz and her crazy bunch might actually be the ones causing all the ruckus... and getting the spankings. Sigh.

I personally think spanking a few kids may do the world some good. Trust me, I'm not looking to argue about 'good parenting' or anything like that. I was spanked as a child and look how I turned out! Okay, that probably isn't very convincing. Ha!

When I was growing up, getting spanked was dreadful. Do you remember when those commercials to call a phone number for a funny joke were the coolest things in the world?? Well, despite the warning to get a parent's permission, I called... and called... and called. I called every day for like six weeks. When the bill came in, boy did my Dad spank me. Then Mom came home. Dad told her what I did and I got spanked again. When my brothers found out, they spanked me, too! It was horrible, but believe I never did anything like that again.

The sad part was that when the next bill came, there were still some charges on it because of the time between when the previous statement closed and when my parents physically got the bill -- there were no paperless statements back then! So, everyone assumed I didn't listen and spanked me again. Haha. Can you imagine?!

I think spanking can be very beneficial -- in small doses, of course. The kids these days need fear put in them!

A few weeks ago, Carol and I came to the conclusion that we weren't really getting our money's worth at the gym without trying out some of the classes they have to offer. Since we focus mainly on cardio and weight-training, we decided not to get all 'gung-ho' about it and sort of work our way up the ladder. Yoga is definitely not our cup of tea -- we have issues with being quiet -- so that wasn't an option. We opted for a Latin dance class and figured we'd be pretty safe.

We took the class for the first time about a month ago. LORD. Neither of us could barely walk for an entire week. In fact, I actually fell completely on the floor trying to get out of my bed a few mornings that week. (Keep in mind, my bed is about 5 feet above the ground so it requires a slight 'jump' to get my feet on the floor -- yes, I'm short!) As soon as my feet would hit the ground, both legs would just give in and I would eat it hard-core. Kodak moment, for sure.

In the interest of inflicting pain upon ourselves, we continue to take the class. Thankfully, the pain lessens each time although it is definitely in our blood to make the salsa, merengue, samba, and even afro-brazilian dances look like the cha-cha. I've come to the conclusion that it's our arms -- they don't move the right way and it throws off the whole thing.

I really really really really really REALLY can't stand when people lack a sense of their peripheral environment. Everyone should have a sense of every person or object within a 3 foot radius. I mean, it is already a pet peeve of mine to have people at clubs or bars bumping into me. Yohana can attest to that -- there have been times when someone will bump into me and I'll demand to go home. Still, they have the excuse of being intoxicated. In these Latin dance classes, I can't quite grasp how, in a room with wall-to-wall mirrors, people can still salsa right into me... multiple times!

Anyway, on to bigger and better things. I meant to blog yesterday, but I got caught up reading random blogs. I caught on to this idea of '101 Things in 1001 Days'. Basically, you make a list of 101 random things that you hope to accomplish within the next 1001 days. I ended up completing my list and, just because I always like to start projects on easy-to-remember dates, I will officially post my list and kick off this journey on March 1st. I'm excited!

I was reading today's blog post by Dawn which, by the way, has the cutest pics of her kids lying in a bookshelf, and her son stumbled upon a 'possum just hanging around by his bedroom window. The poor thing was terrified and it reminded me of a story...

When Aaron and Allison (the duo singing Who Let the Dogs Out two entries ago) were about 4 and 5, they were shacking up with their favorite aunt. Just to clarify -- that's me. One day, I heard the two of them screaming at the top of their lungs, 'Auntie Gemma!!!! Help!! There's a bug!!!!' I ran to see what was going on and, as I entered the room, I saw Aaron, Allison... and their dad (my brother) standing on top of their bed pointing with disgust at a spider in the corner. Sigh. My brother... a full-grown man. Sorta.

Unfortunately, after my adventurous weekend with the kids, I was feeling a little under the weather. I was out sick most of the week and missed a couple of days at work. Today when I came into work, my co-worker Glenn surprised me with the best get well present ever -- a cookie from Hot Cookie! YUM. He and his significant other Armando had gone to dinner out on the Castro and, despite the rain, managed to head to Hot Cookie and hook me up! These guys are much sweeter -- and hotter -- than any cookie in this world. Thank you both for making my recovery speedier and my week brighter. It definitely made forcing myself out of bed to head back to the office worthwhile. Thanks to your little gift, I'm officially back at 100%. Well, today at least.

Kaye sent me pics of the family back home in Chicago. I swear, it always makes me extremely homesick to see how quickly all the kids are growing up knowing I haven't been around. Speaking of growing up, my baby cousin Leny got married earlier this year. I'm so proud of her and Mike -- they have a great future ahead of them, I can feel it. Oliver was a little overwhelmed with joy giving away his baby sister that he got a little err, how do I say, DRUNK. When he got home, he passed out about 10 feet from the door and 10 feet from his bed... in his uniform! America, I am very proud of my Marine! Talk about being an officer and a gentleman! Haha. Love you, Ollie.

After what I consider a great deal of procrastination, I finally filed my taxes. Woo-hoo, I can't wait for that return! I'm getting closer and closer to scoring my new ride. I don't want to jinx anything, so I'll keep it hush for now. But let me tell you, no one will be disappointed. Except all my haters, maybe. HA!

I had just finished eating a really big meal. I hunched over and stuck my gut out as far as I could and asked my 4-year-old niece, 'Kayla, am I fat?' I figure, kids can be so cruel -- why would she lie? She looked at me so sweetly and said 'No... you're short.' It really cracked me up.

Actually, it reminded me of a similar incident a few months ago with her older sister, Alyssa. Being that I'm short, all the kids enjoy standing next to me and pointing out how much taller they are than I am. (Those who have already grown past me have shifted to comparing their shoe sizes with mine.) Alyssa is still shorter than me -- thank the Lord -- but that doesn't stop her from pointing out how close she's getting.

'Look Auntie Gemma, I'm almost up to your shoulder!'

We applaud her although I'm really crying inside. Haha. As Kayla walks by, Alyssa says, 'Let's see how tall Kayla is compared to you!'

Wonderful, I think to myself, this should make me feel better! Kayla stands right next to me and is about waist-high in comparison. She looks up at me and just shoots me the biggest smile ever. Big sister Alyssa then points out, 'Look Auntie Gemma, she's just under your roll.' Sigh. Kids -- gotta love 'em.

Check out my nephew Steven. He's super talented. Haha.

Carol and I took the kids on a mini-adventure in San Francisco yesterday. None of us had ever been to the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum, so we thought that'd be fun for the whole gang. First of all, that place is pretty darn expensive. Even after using our AAA discount, we were pushing about $100. Of course it didn't help that most of the 'kids' we were with were over the age of thirteen, and technically charged as adults. We really thought we'd see more there. I mean, it was tons of fun, but I think that is totally credited to the company we were in. I think the kids would agree that Carol and I are the 'funnest'.

I swear, she really needs to bring her kids to the city more often -- they suffer from trauma every time we're there! Just last week it was the movie theater and yesterday poor Alyssa got to witness the epitome of a crack addict. We're standing in line to get our tickets for the museum when this bum comes walking by. He stops in front of this display just outside of the museum of a mechanical man climbing up and down a rope. He makes what almost looks like a chicken's head with his hand and starts 'pecking' at the display screaming "Pah! Pah! Pah!" The rest of us are mildly amused, but when I turn to Alyssa, she looks terrified.

'What's wrong with him, Auntie Gemma?'

In a joint effort with the rest of the kids, we convince her that whatever was wrong with him was his own fault.

At the end of the tour, Carol and the kids take the stroller through the wheelchair-accessible exit while Aaron, Allison, and I head through this revolving door exit that looked like every revolving door I recall seeing at all the zoos I've been to in my life. Hopefully you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, we walk down a staircase and through a door that led outside. Aaron and Allison tug on my arm and say, 'Auntie Gemma, did you see that?'

Apparently, this guy in his late 30s, along with some girl around the same age, and a child grabbed the door as we were exiting and basically snuck into the museum. I remember seeing them standing by the door as we were leaving, but didn't see them actually make their move. When the kids told me, I was pretty disgusted! What kind of ADULT does that?!?!

We gather with Carol and the rest of the gang, fill them in on what was going on, and headed on our way. As we walked past the door again, we realized that those people had exited and were following directly behind us. Immediately, the kids begin to whisper. 'That's them!... wow, they got kicked out fast!... that's so moded!' For a split-second, I'm embarrassed at how loud the kids were being, but then it hits me and I started laughing pretty obnoxiously.

'What's so funny, Auntie Gemma?'

Ha. The revolving door only went one way!!! So funny. Believe it?... Or not???

Last note for today -- here's a little evidence that Allison has learned a lot from her beloved Auntie:

The concept of Valentine's Day was very complicated this year. There were too many 'cooks in the kitchen' so to speak, and I decided that I wasn't going to give this day to any person who I felt would misinterpret it for something -- how do I say -- special. My brother had class last night, so Carol and I took the kids bowling. Frankly, it was a great choice on my end.

We packed all the kids in the van and headed to the bowling alley. As we entered the parking lot, I noticed Carol was turning into a one way lane where there was a car driving towards us.

'Car, you're going the wrong way.'

No response. So I repeat,

'Car, you're going the wrong way.'

Carol finally responds,

'Who, me?'

Duh.

'Of course, you!'

She looks me straight in the face and says,

'I'm the VAN -- that's the CAR!'

Everyone (but Carol) starts cracking up. Umm, Car is Carol's nickname... always has been! So funny.

Once we got inside, the first thing I noticed was a long table of food, set up buffet style. There was rice, adobo, lumpia, pancit, chips & salsa, and pink decorated cupcakes -- your typical Daly City bowling alley, I guess. Well, minus the cupcakes. The kids ran straight to the arcade as though we didn't physically pry them off the Wii an hour earlier. My nephew Steven jumps into one of those car-racing games and I'm watching him 'drive' just cringing because he recently got his driver's license and I had let him borrow my car a few weeks ago. It sort of freaked me out, yet here I am at their house while he is out and about with my car on a Friday night. Sigh. Luckily, he's going to church. I think.

We'd been hanging with the kids for the majority of the afternoon today. I swear, the conversations that take place when they don't think we're listening are so entertaining. We had Aaron (the 14-year-old artist), Allison (the 13-year-old pro "funky-fresh" athlete), Timmy (the 12-year-old video game master), Alyssa (the 7-year-old mini-ME), and Kayla (the 4-year-old polite police).

We were craving the best generic taco meat ever, so we headed to the Sizzler. First off, Allison went to get some soup. What better to go with her soup than some bread and butter, so she went back to get some? She returns to the table staring strangely at my plate. I watched her run back to the buffet and come back with butter -- yellow butter this time. Apparently, she initially tried to butter her bread with whipped cream.

Shortly after, Timmy, Allison, and I were standing over the Taco/Nacho bar. Allison asked, 'Can you believe that the Zoey 101 show isn't going to be canceled?' Timmy and I were both shocked -- we both said, 'But she's pregnant!!!' So I asked, 'So are they just going to make her character in the show pregnant, too?' Timmy had it all figured out, though. 'No, Auntie Gemma. They're just gonna make her character fat.' Wow. That'd be awesome.

Little Miss Kayla has been learning a lot about politeness in school. For the last few weeks, no one has been able to say anything that could possibly be seen as 'negative'. You can't show her anger, annoyance, frustration, NOTHING. In the van, she randomly said, You guys, you can't say 'I like big butts and I cannot lie'!!

The longer I sit here and write, the more things I remember, but all good things must come to an end. Plus, I need to spend some quality time with my milk-carton boyfriend. (It's an inside joke and I'm sure the only ones laughing are the kids who were standing around me as I was typing.)

My goal this week is to say to at least one person, Shut up your nose!

Sigh. Being the aunt of ten nieces, nephews, and a Joseph (ha!), I can say that I LOVE kids and mean it wholeheartedly. However, we went to the movies last night to see a sneak preview of Step Up 2 and I've realized that I'm blessed because I am surrounded by wonderful kids. No joke. They have set a really high standard for me and I can not and will not settle for less from ANY kid that crosses my path.

Riding on the coat tails of Adam Sandler's character in Big Daddy, no one should ever be proud of raising a "smelly kid". That's just unacceptable! I got stuck sitting behind a group of smelly kids. It was a complicated smell -- a combination of homeless man meets a load of wet laundry left in the washing machine for a week meets a sweaty French woman who doesn't believe in deodorant... or shaving. And to top it off, they knew how badly they smelled. At one point during the movie, the one female in the group pulls out a bottle of what I imagine is the Walgreen's version of Bath & Body Works' Candy Apple Body Splash. After that, not only did it smell horrible, but I could taste it and it was wretched.

To my left, were the loud, outspoken, ghetto and -- oh, did I mention -- LOUD girls. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE small doses of ghetto and I can relate to it. Anyway, these were the 14-year-old versions of the clapping, snapping, and head-bopping 'ooooh girl, that's my songgggg!!!' girls I see at the clubs. It was funny and I got a kick out of them. In fact, there was a scene where one of the guys took off his shirt and the poor smelly girl in front of us in all her cross-eyed and crooked-toothed glory announced to the theater that he wasn't all that and that she's had better. For the record, he was a good-looking guy. I just could not contain myself and started cracking up. That, of course, kicked off the gals next to me and we laughed together. It was great. Towards the end of the movie, though, as the stench from the row ahead of us began to stick to our clothes, the girl directly to my left boldly says 'ooh boy, you smell like piss!' Yes, it was funny and I sure as hell was thinking it in my head. However, one of the kids in front of us turns around and says 'want to smell more?' Sigh. At that point, I'm shaking my head just waiting for this kid to pull out his little wiener and start peeing on our entire row. Good news -- he didn't. Whew.

As if this all wasn't enough to officially call it a crazy night for me, there was more! Within the first half hour of the movie, someone starts screaming 'Emergency!! Emergency!'. We turn around in the dark theater trying to make out what's going on behind us. Well, someone in the audience was having a seizure! For a good five minutes, half of the audience is just staring while the other half is providing random medical advice that they probably learned from watching E.R. or House. The theater -- very slow to respond, by the way -- finally stopped the film and got the paramedics in there. From where I was sitting, it seemed like this guy had gone to the preview alone because the people sitting directly next to him were very hesitant in providing any assistance before the paramedics got there. One other random viewer carried him from his seat and layed him down in an aisleway. Obviously, once help arrived, it would have been a lot harder for them to administer help in the middle of a theater row where people were clearly too lazy to move out of the way. Personally, I give him props for stepping up and doing something. The rest of the crowd continued to shout advice to him -- 'You're not supposed to lay him down - you need to keep him up!'. I don't know whether or not that is true, but in his defense, not one person in the crowd seemed like a reputable source. Ultimately, the paramedics handled the situation and everything was fine.

My niece Alyssa was mortified by the whole thing. It was very humbling to see her pure innocence and honest concern for this man just pouring out of her. She asked so many questions about why it was happening, if he was going to be okay, and whether or not she'll ever have a seizure. She's normally a very silly and carefree kid, so to see this side of her was very touching. As many of my friends say to me when I have similar breakdowns or when I'm caught writing blogs like this one, Alyssa, you ARE a girl!!

For the record, the movie was not bad. It certainly couldn't keep up with all the rest of the excitement around me, but I always enjoy these dance-related movies. The majority of our group agreed that the first one was better, but I haven't seen it. I know, I know -- how will Channing Tatum ever marry me now?!