Smelly Kid.
Sigh. Being the aunt of ten nieces, nephews, and a Joseph (ha!), I can say that I LOVE kids and mean it wholeheartedly. However, we went to the movies last night to see a sneak preview of Step Up 2 and I’ve realized that I’m blessed because I am surrounded by wonderful kids. No joke. They have set a really high standard for me and I can not and will not settle for less from ANY kid that crosses my path.
Riding on the coat tails of Adam Sandler’s character in Big Daddy, no one should ever be proud of raising a “smelly kid”. That’s just unacceptable! I got stuck sitting behind a group of smelly kids. It was a complicated smell — a combination of homeless man meets a load of wet laundry left in the washing machine for a week meets a sweaty French woman who doesn’t believe in deodorant… or shaving. And to top it off, they knew how badly they smelled. At one point during the movie, the one female in the group pulls out a bottle of what I imagine is the Walgreen’s version of Bath & Body Works’ Candy Apple Body Splash. After that, not only did it smell horrible, but I could taste it and it was wretched.
To my left, were the loud, outspoken, ghetto and — oh, did I mention — LOUD girls. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE small doses of ghetto and I can relate to it. Anyway, these were the 14-year-old versions of the clapping, snapping, and head-bopping ‘ooooh girl, that’s my songgggg!!!‘ girls I see at the clubs. It was funny and I got a kick out of them. In fact, there was a scene where one of the guys took off his shirt and the poor smelly girl in front of us in all her cross-eyed and crooked-toothed glory announced to the theater that he wasn’t all that and that she’s had better. For the record, he was a good-looking guy. I just could not contain myself and started cracking up. That, of course, kicked off the gals next to me and we laughed together. It was great. Towards the end of the movie, though, as the stench from the row ahead of us began to stick to our clothes, the girl directly to my left boldly says ‘ooh boy, you smell like piss!‘ Yes, it was funny and I sure as hell was thinking it in my head. However, one of the kids in front of us turns around and says ‘want to smell more?‘ Sigh. At that point, I’m shaking my head just waiting for this kid to pull out his little wiener and start peeing on our entire row. Good news — he didn’t. Whew.
As if this all wasn’t enough to officially call it a crazy night for me, there was more! Within the first half hour of the movie, someone starts screaming ‘Emergency!! Emergency!‘. We turn around in the dark theater trying to make out what’s going on behind us. Well, someone in the audience was having a seizure! For a good five minutes, half of the audience is just staring while the other half is providing random medical advice that they probably learned from watching E.R. or House. The theater — very slow to respond, by the way — finally stopped the film and got the paramedics in there. From where I was sitting, it seemed like this guy had gone to the preview alone because the people sitting directly next to him were very hesitant in providing any assistance before the paramedics got there. One other random viewer carried him from his seat and layed him down in an aisleway. Obviously, once help arrived, it would have been a lot harder for them to administer help in the middle of a theater row where people were clearly too lazy to move out of the way. Personally, I give him props for stepping up and doing something. The rest of the crowd continued to shout advice to him — ‘You’re not supposed to lay him down – you need to keep him up!‘. I don’t know whether or not that is true, but in his defense, not one person in the crowd seemed like a reputable source. Ultimately, the paramedics handled the situation and everything was fine.
My niece Alyssa was mortified by the whole thing. It was very humbling to see her pure innocence and honest concern for this man just pouring out of her. She asked so many questions about why it was happening, if he was going to be okay, and whether or not she’ll ever have a seizure. She’s normally a very silly and carefree kid, so to see this side of her was very touching. As many of my friends say to me when I have similar breakdowns or when I’m caught writing blogs like this one, Alyssa, you ARE a girl!!
For the record, the movie was not bad. It certainly couldn’t keep up with all the rest of the excitement around me, but I always enjoy these dance-related movies. The majority of our group agreed that the first one was better, but I haven’t seen it. I know, I know — how will Channing Tatum ever marry me now?!
Related posts: