Choices by Nikki Giovanni
what i want to do
then my job is to not
do what i don’t want
to do
It’s not the same thing
but it’s the best i can
do
If i can’t have
what i want . . . then
my job is to want
what i’ve got
and be satisfied
that at least there
is something more to want
Since i can’t go
where i need
to go . . . then i must . . . go
where the signs point
through always understanding
parallel movement
isn’t lateral
When i can’t express
what i really feel
i practice feeling
what i can express
and none of it is equal
I know
but that’s why mankind
alone among the animals
learns to cry
It’s been a really tough couple of weeks for me — you have no idea. It’s been a constant battle facing accusations, opinions, theories, perceptions… you name it. In the end, I sit here reading this poem over and over again and despite the strength it always seems to trigger in me, it’s just not enough this time. I give up.
I have no reason to explain myself, the decisions I make, nor the reasons behind them. There will always be the people against me and I’ve accepted that. They’re just not the people I need around me holding me back or worse, pushing me down.
I found myself between a rock and a hard place earlier this year and it took me down a rough road, but I eventually had to make a decision between two very life-changing choices. I made a decision that apparently some people disprove of. On the other hand, there are some people who are relieved I made the decision I did.
I’m in the middle.
Most of us will be our own worst enemies when facing life-changing decisions. Many of us haunt ourselves with questions like “what if?…” That said, I don’t need you to take on that role. I’m sorry, that position has been filled.
Like the poem says, If i can’t do what i want to do then my job is to not do what i don’t want to do. It’s not the same thing but it’s the best i can do.
WORD.
This post is dedicated to my “best friend”, for lack of a better term.
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