Mean Girl?
People often ask me where the idea of me being a ‘mean girl’ came from — usually this is an indicator that the asking person doesn’t know me very well.
No, no… I’m kidding. Sort of.
Ever since I was a child, it was clear that I had a competitive nature. I am a Virgo. According to AOL’s genius astrological experts, Virgos “are known for [their] ability to be highly discriminating — especially when it comes to matters of personal desire”. Virgos also are very critical and “have the uncanny sense to see what’s wrong with a person, a situation or [an] environment”. Virgos are also perfectionists and, as AOL suggests, the Virgo motto could be “Perfect is almost good enough.”
I can still remember specific incidents in my childhood where I was a very “mean girl”, as probably defined by most people.
I was about 5-years-old and I recall sitting in a shopping cart at a grocery store headed down the cereal aisle. There was another little girl in a shopping cart headed in the opposite direction who was wailing at the top of her lungs because her mom wouldn’t buy the cereal she wanted. I thought she was being ridiculous. (Note: My mom NEVER bought me those “sugary” cereals so, to be fair, I didn’t know what I was missing out on.) As our shopping carts passed one another, I stuck my tongue out at her, mouthed the word “BABY”, and motioned like I was rubbing my eyes and crying like she was.
By the time I started school, it only got worse. In the first grade, I had the best teacher ever. (Ms. Smith — I remember her more than any other teacher I’ve had.) She was ill one day and a substitute came that day in her place. I approached her and asked if I could use the bathroom. Now, I have to tell you, I wasn’t a big fan of nor a “favorite” for most other kids, but I was a big hit when it came to adults. I was always very charming and entertaining… basically your typical “teacher’s pet” and goody-two-shoes. (I know, you’re all beginning to hate me because I was THAT kid. If you aren’t feeling this hatred, then you were probably THAT kid, too.) Anyway, I was absolutely shocked when this sick woman told me I couldn’t go to the bathroom. I WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! I asked again. She insisted that I needed to wait until recess. I stood in front of this woman and told her that, if she didn’t let me go to the bathroom, I would pee right in front of her. She didn’t believe me. I showed her.
As time progressed, so did my “mean” nature. Kids can be SO cruel as it is, and I always needed to “one-up” any kid who challenged me. I’m short and am often teased for it. I remember one girl laughing at me in front of other kids, saying “I bet you can’t even reach shelves in your house!!” I, of course, had to come up with something better than that because the kids were laughing at me. What did I say? “At least I have a dad!!!” Yes, I went there — totally unnecessary, I know. Why did I do it? NO CLUE. I just had to take it to the extreme. She cried, told her mom, her mom told my mom, and I got in trouble… big time. I forgot to mention that she was my mom’s best friend’s daughter.
I started my first petition in the third grade. It was a request to have a lady fired at my school’s daycare. I got in big trouble for that one, too.
I could go on and on, really. Just typing this all out, I’m remembering more and more that I’ve done. The turning point to all of this happened in the fourth grade. I was selected to join the Gifted and Talented Education program (G.A.T.E.). My mom didn’t want me to do it and I was not very happy. I still remember why I wanted it SO bad… it was a boy. My elementary school crush was in G.A.T.E. and my mom was getting in the way of my happiness. I convinced her to let me join because “it’d be good for me to challenge my learning”. She agreed but not without explaining to me why she didn’t want me to be involved in the program. She told me, “The more time you spend with people as smart as or smarter than you, the less patience you will have to deal with people who don’t think like you do, who don’t learn as fast as you do, and who just aren’t as intelligent as you.” At the time, I didn’t care… because I got to be with “the boy”.
Fast-forward to years later and my mom’s prophecy became a reality. Well, it had been happening all along, but I didn’t actually see it until I started to work, excel, and move up.
As I began to manage people in the workplace, I realized that I had ZERO patience for stupid people. And by stupid, I don’t really mean stupid. It was those people my mother warned me about. My attitude stood in the way of my success in leading people and becoming a great manager. At the same time, I was taking a class in Developmental Psychology that had opened my eyes in how and why people behaved in certain ways and, more so, how and why I acted the way that I did. This is when I picked up my second major in Psychology.
Luckily, with my early experiences and the knowledge I’ve gained both in school and in the real world, I’ve been able to remedy my “mean” nature. While, by nature, I still consider myself a “mean girl”, I have learned to make it work in my favor instead of against me.
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A mean girl to me is someone who steps down on other’s without empathy nor remorse in the aim to get what she wants —-the means does not matter as long as she gets it.
I was kinda “mean” when I was kid because others were also mean to me. Being dark and ugly when I was a kid, the bullies did not scare me —instead I fought back. I was mean because they slam me down and degrade me when I did not do anything to do with them.
But I got past over it of course, as I grow….since I’ve realized “revenge ” and “meanness” is not the ticket to everything to get it fair and just.
Thanks for sharing this great post.