“in the morning when i wake, and the sun is coming through… oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness, and you fill my head with you”


…can i be close to you?

my best friend lost his dad today. it was an emotional day—it’s been an emotional three weeks for their little family… my little (friends turned) family.

it’s a bit of a foreign concept to me that their family really only consists of the four of themmy best friend, his parents, and his daughter. when my dad was in the hospice during his final days, we had about 40 relatives in his room at any given time. it was always so loud. it was always so busy.

and spending these last three weeks with my friend and his little family has been generally quiet. intimate. peaceful. and beautiful.

we gathered tonight with a handful of close friends and neighbors at their house to show our support and pay our respects. his mom talked about how they don’t have family nearby… and told us all that we were their family and that was good enough.

that thought sat with me for the rest of the nighti have a huge family. like HUGE. but it’s amazing how even in the crowd of a large family, i can still feel so alone. i can still feel like i have no one.

it’s been an emotional three weeks—it’s been an emotional three years. but i’ve learned that family has very little to do with who you share blood with, but who you share life with.

and as we get closer to welcoming a (long-awaited) new year, i hope i learn to invest more in people who invest back in me.

to love on the people who love on me.

to spend time with the people who spend time with me.

and to be family to those who are family to me.

rest in peace, tito jun. you will be truly missed.

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