i’ve had multiple conversations with girlfriends in the last few weeks on the same topic—monogamy.
i don’t believe monogamy is natural. and i’ve felt that way since high school.
i’ve always believed—even when completely virgin(ish) and inexperienced—that we were biologically and naturally created to be sexual… basically, to be reproductive. i also considered the animal kingdom and how monogamy and the idea of “mating for life” is rare across all types of species.
“but we’re not animals, gemma”
i know, i know. but my point is that the fundamental concept of monogamy relies on a universal biological characteristic that we have no control over. if we, as humans, lived “in the wild” without all rules and bureaucracy, i think our sexual natures would fall more in line with what we see in the animal world.
“so you’re okay with no loyalty in your relationships?”
of course i want loyalty when i’m in a relationship. i also am very loyal partner myself… when i’m in a relationship.
in my opinion, how i feel about monogamy doesn’t directly affect my ability or desire to be in a relationship. i don’t think they have to go hand-in-hand.
(and this is about where i lost my girlfriends. ha.)
here are my thoughts on monogamy and how it plays out in relationships:
- natural desire vs choice: i think, by nature, humans are not built to be monogamous. but that doesn’t mean i don’t believe in commitment. i just think commitment is a conscious choice we make. it’s not something our body decides for us—it boils down to these desires coming from different parts of us. heart vs mind, mind vs body, whatever you want to call it. you choose to be committed. you choose to stay committed.
- sex vs love: the sooner we can all get behind the idea that sex is not love, the sooner maury povich will be out of a job. sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing. love, too. but both can live without the other, so yes, it is possible to love someone and have sex with someone else, just as much as it’s possible to have sex with someone you don’t love.
- non-monogamy vs infidelity: don’t assume people who don’t believe in monogamy are “cheaters“. i think it’s important (and responsible) to be honest with your partner(s) about your… extracurriculars.
- non-monogamy vs promiscuity: not believing in monogamy doesn’t mean i’m out bangin‘ anyone and everyone. i can be (and have been) involved with only one person while still believing that monogamy is unnatural.